Learning about love

To have love in your life is truly precious.

I have learned some things about love. Perhaps the hardest has been to love others openly and without prejudice, which required me to open my heart and mind as well as to let go of my fear and judgement.

I must admit, I am a bit of a romantic! (This is quite ironic coming from a girl who spent half her life a tom-boy and then the other half trying to figure how to be comfortable in a skirt!) Thus I enjoy a good love story. One can follow the journey of two people as they discover ways to connect with each other without losing their sense of direction ... yes, it's complicated! It can be a fast tempo like a quick lustful heartbeat, or a slow tempo like that of a deep spiritual connection.

I am lucky to have love in my life.

I have parents who love me, although perhaps they don't always understand my complications! Ha ha. I have a couple of wonderful children who love me, and who are now old enough to understand that love is not dependent upon mood, situation or behaviour, but is unconditional. And I have the love of a good man. A man who has the ability to love me despite my complications -- i.e. my mood swings, my dreams, my insecurities, my search for answers to life-long questions, and my desire to love others when they are in need as well as for my need to.

"I may not be everything you thought I was, but if you love me then you need to love all the things about me."

Along my journey in this life, I have had strong and loving connections with a few people ... but I was unable to trust myself to let go and be theirs to love. I could not love everything about myself for a long time and I unknowingly hurt people because of it. There will be regrets, but these connections also taught me valuable things about myself and my capacity to trust, to forgive and to be myself.

One of the best aspects of my life right now is children, my own and others. They are so easy to love. Perhaps it is because most of them have the capacity to receive love without complicating it too much. They don't seem to question why your spending time with them, nurturing them, teaching them, learning from them, listening to them or laughing with them. They just like that you're around to give them attention, a voice, empathy, security and a hard time! I have learned that they know when you're open with them, and when you're not. There is no way I would have been good at my job 10 years ago -- I hadn't learned how to be open with myself never mind anybody else. Today, however, it is a joy to do what I do.

It would be untruthful to say that love is joyous at all times! Ha! Our hearts are not always pure and open and our minds are not always free from jealous, angry or hurtful thoughts, so we still continue to learn how to love each and every day.

I believe each of us needs love in our lives for different reasons. I think I need love that allows me to follow my dreams, my own path ... as I am easily side-tracked and like to meander along many different paths because I love a good adventure!

It seems to me that the more we learn about love, the more we learn about ourselves -- our true self.

In honour of those who've given me their love and to whom I have shared mine. Thank you ❤❤❤

Bringing in the New Year

The beginning of a new year always brings joy to my heart, and thus hope for the days, weeks and months ahead.

I am not usually one to make resolutions (such as not eating until an ideal weight is achieved) ... however, I do make use of my new found optimism to reflect upon the year that has been and be brave enough to write down new (or renewed) goals for the year to come.

I've started to address my list already. Yay! Although I am not sure whether my original list actually contained the task to sort through, file or discard piles and piles of stuff taking over the desk and floor of my study. It was quickly added upon my return home from our Christmas holiday though. Hah. Today I have managed to go through most of it: putting away the girls' Year 1 work, certificates and reports; filing away numerous papers into storage boxes allocated for study, work and school; and organising new storage places for homework and stationery. It has been a mammoth task -- believe me!

The advantage of taking on such a mindless task as sorting, filing and discarding though, is that it provides an opportunity for my mind to sort itself out. I mean, why only do one thing at a time right? So, whilst tidying the study I was also able to work on the problem facing me this year -- organising my time. What's to organise? Well, I need to find a way to complete the twelve remaining units of my Certificate III in Education Support as well as working three days a week at the school in Pre-Primary (love it!), making endless decisions for and worrying about the building of our new house some 1200kms away, and managing the children's homework and sporting activites, house chores, finances and anything else that wants to drop in unexpectedly! And, if I dare to ask any more of myself, I want to do it all in reasonably composed state of mind. Should I laugh or cry?

Deep breathing perhaps ... in, out, in, out ... *sigh*

I keep telling myself it will work out as long as I don't think too much about it! Ha ha.

Funnily enough though, today I was reminded of my new idea for a book to write. The ideas flooded my mind during the1200km drive home on Sunday, when I obviously had too much time to think and dream. I was reminded today because I began reading a novel (whilst half-submerged in the swimming pool in 42 degree heat) called "A Waltz for Matilda" by Jackie French, which I discovered at the library yesterday. Amazingly enough the book is set in the same time period as I was pondering -- around the turn of the 19th Century. Anyway, it just seems so ridiculous to even consider having the time to write this at the moment, never mind this year! One day, I keep promising myself, one day.

I heartened, however, by the words of the story I finished last night ... "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. It is a story about a boy who dares to live his dreams (by listening to his heart) to find his Personal Legend. According to the author "a personal legend is the path we decide to take that fills our heart with enthusiasm. It is the path of our dreams." The story provides hope to us all as the boy faces many obstacles on his journey, all of which seem to teach him things he needs to know for the next part of the journey. Hence, I embrace the idea that there will be an opportunity to discover the author within ... and also acknowledge that this opportunity lies very much in my own hands.

A Happy New Year to you all.