Understanding my soul

My mind is full of beats, rhythms and music.

My feet are itching to move and groove.

My heart is full of love, hope and happiness.

My spirit is free.

Dancing. I love to dance. The music drives my feet, my body, my heart; thus thoughts no longer take precedence over emotions and feelings. It is freedom for my soul. And all is beautiful.

At special times in my life, dancing has been an integral part of it. Happy times.

Like learning to ballroom dance in the Mt Helena "hall" on a Friday night. The jive. The cha-cha-cha. The samba. The quick-step. Although, Patrick Swayze never did turn up to partner us! But we had fun, we had each other and we were finding our way through those teenage years.

And years later, when my first job took me so far from "home" ... I found sanctuary in music and dancing. Music helped relieve the pain of breaking up with my first boyfriend after four years together. And at my "new home" in Alice Springs, I found a regular dance partner with whom I could comfortably share the dance floor. Once we were out there, we didn't leave until the music stopped! Those nights were heavenly.

So here I am now, ready to embrace it all again.

I want to be happy.

I want to feel free.

I want to dance again.

Scarred for life

It comes in the black of night, when you least expect it.

It comes when you are alone with your thoughts, when nobody else is awake.

It is just a memory, yet it wields such power over your mind, body and soul.

It is happening all over again ...

I know the time, it is 4.30 in the morning. I can see the faces of the Gurka soldiers at my door. The horror of what is to come is not found in their expressions, they do not give anything away. But I must go with them. Yes, I must go again.

Where are you George? Why are you away? You are my protector in this foreign place. You are not here, not here.

I see the blood stained mattress outside the clinic door. I can hear groaning from inside. I have a job to do. Call Nairobi. Arrange a medical evacuation. Maintain composure. Focus. First communication complete. We have a four hour wait.

The gashes on his head are large and blood continues to flow despite the bandages. My two medical friends are working hard, but he has lost a lot of blood. The line won't go in. The line won't go in! The last resort is to try between his toes. He now loses control of his bowels. I need some air.

Where are you George? You should be here. Here to help me through this. I need your reassurance, your hand to hold ... but I am alone with the stars and my anxiety.

The plane is on its way. Second phase of communication. Wake and inform the Mine Manager. Clearance to land the plane. Details. Details. Influx of visitors. Security, we need security! Paperwork. More paperwork. Phone calls to manage. Chaos.

A moment to think. Did he know someone was coming for him? Why didn't he tell me? He should have told me. I could have helped. Did he know? Did he know? Is this my fault?

The wait is agonising. The communications are frantic. The medics are worried. He might not make it. Too much blood. Too much blood. Everyone is cleared from the area. Cars are arranged for transport. Security is in place. We are waiting.

There is low cloud. More details needed. Exact coordinates for the airport. They are circling us. Phone calls to keep everyone informed. Okay, let's go! Let's go! Get him to the airport ...

Silence. They have all gone. I am nervous. Waiting. Praying. Adrenalin rush is subsiding. Suddenly I am tired. I am hungry. I need a shower. But I wait for their return.

No debrief. We eat together in silence, each locked in our own thoughts. I need to go ... the blood stained mattress remains outside the door.

There is more to the story, but I am tired. The worst is over. I need to close my eyes and rest now. The worst is over.

Life will never be the same. The memories are too vivid. There are so many questions left unanswered. But it is a world away, a far cry from the life I have now. Can you see it though? Can you see it in my eyes my friend? It is there. The scar is there.

Sleep my darling. Sleep. Here, hold my hand. Everything is going to be okay.

Peace be with you Chief ... forever in my heart and mind. ❤❤❤

Memories of Christmas

The joy of Christmas is upon us it seems; although most of us are still wondering how it came along so soon ...

This year, my two girls are VERY interested in the whole Christmas thing! There is so much to absorb: Santa, Jesus, carols and hymns, the giving and receiving of presents, the needy and poor, gratefulness and greed, the presence and absence of family and friends. And, it is the first year they are concerned we are not going to be home on Christmas Day.

I've been excited at the prospect of seeing my family during the Christmas holidays. It has been a long time since I've seen them all; perhaps Ziggy's funeral, nearly 11 months ago, was the last time. I imagine there has been many changes since then ...

Our last Christmas was spent in Adelaide. Michael's family were still in the grips of dealing with the loss of Rod, his father. Tensions were high and it was impossible to hide from the friction. Our visit was the continuation of a near six month emotional roller coaster ride and we were desperate to remain "in the middle", taking no-one's side.


At the Christmas before last, there was another family reeling from the loss of one of its members. It was my family, grieving at the loss of my Grandma. Instead of going to Adelaide, as planned, we went to Perth to be with my family. My Mother and I were both living day by day at the time; hence, the idea of planning and cooking for Christmas Day was too overwhelming and the large family gathering was cancelled. In hindsight, instead of shutting everyone else out in order to cope, we should have reached out for assistance.


Once again, my family will be mourning the loss of another member that will not be joining us for Christmas this year. However, there is also cause for celebration as we have two new additions to the family circle, the return of a much loved member from London, as well as the third get-together of my Grandma's family members. Thus, I hope we can all pull together this time and offer each other support, love and joy. ❤❤❤


Well, it is time for my apple pies to come out of the oven! Mmmmm, a very familiar smell of Christmas ... pies. Ahhhh, the memories of Christmas.

P.S. Don't worry girls, Santa always seems to find us -- wherever we are!

Savouring the moment

This morning I am determined to savour the moment ... that moment, a very long moment, of painting the last of three rooms this week. Yes, what a joy it will be! However, I seem to have misplaced my motivation ... it is sure to be hiding amongst the mess which has lined the hallway and family room for two weeks now.

Apparently I am the type of person who starts many projects, but doesn't finish too many. And, I kind of found a fair few of those projects whilst re-organising our boxes, cupboards and rooms last week. There was the photograph box display of our first year with children; I had managed to finish two out of the three boxes, buuuuuttt, not the third. Oh, and there was also the project of patching and re-stuffing my Grandma's toy animals she left for the girls. Well, I had managed to find spare material to patch them, but they still require my attention!

And let's not forget my painting. I bought a little canvas and set of paints to enjoy as part of a celebration of my 'freedom' (after the recent completion of a work contract) ... What happened you ask? Well, I was determined to savour the moment of teaching myself to paint, so I dreamed about painting for a week whilst cleaning the entire house. Then I was able to enjoy the luxury of painting for three hours one morning and a further two hours that afternoon. It was divine! But after that, a new project came along and I could no longer justify the time to finish it. So, now I see my lastest 'unfinished' project every time I go to the laundry sink to wash paint brushes, rollers, stirrer and buckets for my 'current' project.

Well, my little motivator is just about to come home from school ... so I better go and put that undercoat on her bedroom walls! ❤❤❤

A family day out ...

Our first family weekend in a long, long time.










Today we left Newman behind us to indulge in the peace and serenity of Weeli Wolli.

The paperbark trees were in full flower and their honey scent hung heavily in the air.


Blossoms continually fell into the water, carried rapidly downstream with the strong current.

The water was as clean and beautiful as always ... ahhhh, words cannot describe this place.

Our souls have been cleansed once more, ready for the onslaught of the festive season.

Joy and peace to all. ❤❤❤