She's my Angel

Last night my husband and I were lounging on the couch together, waiting for our two girls to fall asleep in their bedroom just down the hall. In low voices we were discussing members of our extended family and how we felt about our current connection with them. It is a topic often discussed, as we are conscious of the fact it is getting harder every year to find our place within our respective families.

The inevitable happened ... I thought about the one person I always felt loved and believed in me no matter what I did. My Grandma. The overwhelming emotion of grief enveloped me and I whispered, "I still miss her". Tears followed. Silence surrounded us as I tried to control my emotions and my husband waited patiently for more of my thoughts to tumble out. "Her love always balanced whatever else was going on within the family", I explained. "I feel so lost without that now."

This morning I awoke to the lovely thought that my Grandma is now my angel. She is watching me as I stumble through this relentless search for peace within myself. She is watching me search for answers to questions about my family that have been forever off-limits. She is watching me reach out to more and more extended family in the divine hope that there will be someone else to love me and believe in me for the person I am.