The coming and going of friends

I am not the sort of person to reach out to make friends only then to withdraw my affection at a later date. It takes me a long time to let people into my inner sanctuary, that of my heart, and so it is under a similar time frame that I release them. According to my astrology chart ...

Intimacy does not come easily to you and you may appear cold or unfeeling to others due to your emotional reserve and caution. Perhaps due to painful relationships and separations in your early life, you do not trust others very easily and it takes a long time to take down all of your barriers and defenses.

I am examining this idea because today I saw an "old" friend and realised that I had finally let her go. I had no physical reaction upon seeing her, although just last week I couldn't have said the same. It may surprise you that she and I had ended our close friendship perhaps more than a year ago, but I had held onto a spiritual connection with her despite the loss of our physical one. I have no idea how she feels about our relationship now as I understand she was quite hurt last year when we weren't finding time to see each other. Although I too was bemused by our sudden lack of contact, I assumed it was just the way it was supposed to be. We had helped each other through post-natal depression and the subsequent re-entry into the world outside the safety of our family. It was a wonderful gift we were able to give each other. However, it has come to an end. Although I am sad we cannot maintain our friendship in the outside world, I am happy to accept that perhaps we were only meant to find each other only in the other world.

Interestingly, the ending to the previous quote is

You may feel that you have few friends or people that really care about you. You need to learn to value and love yourself more and to express your appreciation for others more openly.

I say "interesting" because this is what happens when depression hits. Your mind plays tricks on you; it allows you to believe that nobody understands you and nobody could love the person you are in your current state. The proof is the number of people currently aware of how you are feeling ... hence, the added feeling of being alone and unlovable. However, as is suggested, you can fight these feelings and beliefs by training your mind to replace them with positive thoughts you know to be true: my husband loves me, my children love me, my dearest friends love me, and they love me just the way I am. But, I am getting off the track.

My friends are few in number, and most of them do not reside in the same physical location as myself, but they are held within my heart at all times. Our friendship is called upon throughout my daily life as it is their love for me that allows me to give love to others, to be the best person I can be and to fight those battles within my mind. What more could one ask of friends and friendship? So my darling friends, if you are reading this, then please know that I love you more than ever and appreciate our spiritual connection despite the lack of our physical one.

All my love and appreciation, Tara ❤❤❤

Our Sacred Place

Although my family are not living in the hustle and bustle of a city, nor in the continuous hubbub of a suburb, but instead are enjoying the laid back and often isolated lifestyle of a country town in the middle of an expansive red desert ... we still find ourselves, at times, overwhelmed by life.

When faced with these overwhelming feelings ... we start to plan a day trip to our sacred place. Weeli Wolli. It is a permanent waterhole about two hours drive from our house and sufficiently "off the beaten track" to require the arrangement of a safety rescue plan with friends at home. (You don't want to be stuck out in the plus 40 degree C heat for too long!)

It is also a sacred place to the people who have lived in this area for many tens of thousands of years ... the local Aboriginal people of the Martu tribe. When bathing in the beautiful, pristine running water and peacefulness of this place, you feel you are sharing the experience with the spirits of Weeli Wolli. It is a heavenly, almost divine, place.

And I am delighted to share the following photographs of our sacred place with you.

Sharing my thoughts, all of them

I can hardly contain my excitement, joy, enthusiasm and the feeling of being totally blessed ... How wonderful it is to share this experience!


I was only thinking this morning that my blog seemed to be filled of deep, almost traumatic, thoughts and experiences ... and I wondered why this was so. To recall my early diary writing days, as a young girl of 13, is to remember writing as an outlet of expressing all my fears and dark thoughts. These needed to be expelled from my heart and mind in order to survive, but I couldn't share them with real people.

This pattern continued into my 20s, the expulsion of bad thoughts and experiences into words kept securely in nondescript, bound books of paper. Occasionally I would write to share the absolute highs of my life, such as the meeting of and conversations with my future husband. But, more often than not, my diary entries were full of questions and observations that filled my head as I tried desperately to understand the world around me.

Now in my 30s, I have come to accept and embrace myself, as well as the world around me. There is no need to hide myself anymore. I know I am not perfect, yet I have realised this doesn't make me a bad person. It simply makes me human. There is also no need for me to change others. "To live and let live" is certainly a motto I have incorporated into my life. This recent experience of acceptance has been the most wonderful and liberating of my life, by far. And now I find this changes how and why I write. No longer do I need to expel thoughts; instead I am choosing to share my thoughts, both the good and bad.

But, I am getting side-tracked ... joy, enthusiasm, excitement ... these are the emotions running through my head, heart and body at the moment. I have just secured some part-time work as a Teacher's Assistant in a local Primary School. I still can't believe my luck! Today I went there to meet the School Registrar and Principal to arrange days on which to volunteer my time, and as a result have walked out with a day of paid work too.

The sheer joy of having an opportunity to work with children is an overwhelming one ... they are the most amazing creatures. Each of them is unique and intriguing, and I enjoy the challenge of getting to know them and introducing them to the world of structured learning. The first year of school is all about discovering rules of behaviour, trusting and understanding others outside of your familiar environment, as well as learning about yourself.

What an amazing journey it is ... I can hardly wait!

A girl with many hats ...

There are many hats in my closet, although you can't see them.

Some are thread-bare from over-use, whilst others are nearly brand new.

The range is quite extensive for someone my age -- hard hats to floppy hats, hats from Africa to Europe, and a variety of coloured hats. A green hat for the garden, a red hat to stand out in the crowd, a yellow hat for positivity, a white hat for thoughtfulness, and blue hats for those hard-to-deal-with days. As each new day arrives, I instinctively reach for the appropriate hat ... or hats.

Whilst basking in the early morning light in my bathroom the other day I began thinking about one hat in particular. Recently I had removed it from its storage place at the back of my closet ... it having been there for 10 years meant it needed quite a bit of dusting off. However, I wore it, with pride, for one whole year (amongst others, because you are not limited to wearing one invisible hat!). But finally, last November, I discarded it.

So what to do with this hat now?

At this stage in my life I feel like I am cleansing; cleansing parts of my life which are too complicated, too much of a burden, or unsupportive of my chosen direction. Where did this hat fit in? Well, it certainly had been tried and tested. And it looked good on me. But, somehow, it did not quite fit ...

And at that moment, I realised I could not keep it. It no longer belonged in my closet. So I closed my eyes and then shredded it. Just like that! I expected to feel a little sadness, but I didn't. In fact, I felt ... relieved.


Amazingly enough, two days after the shredding episode, I was asked about this hat and whether I would wear it again. "No", I answered, "I have decided not to wear it ever again." "Never?" "Never", I replied with confidence.

Little does he know there are two more hats I am adding to my collection!

*grin*