I was only thinking this morning that my blog seemed to be filled of deep, almost traumatic, thoughts and experiences ... and I wondered why this was so. To recall my early diary writing days, as a young girl of 13, is to remember writing as an outlet of expressing all my fears and dark thoughts. These needed to be expelled from my heart and mind in order to survive, but I couldn't share them with real people.
This pattern continued into my 20s, the expulsion of bad thoughts and experiences into words kept securely in nondescript, bound books of paper. Occasionally I would write to share the absolute highs of my life, such as the meeting of and conversations with my future husband. But, more often than not, my diary entries were full of questions and observations that filled my head as I tried desperately to understand the world around me.
Now in my 30s, I have come to accept and embrace myself, as well as the world around me. There is no need to hide myself anymore. I know I am not perfect, yet I have realised this doesn't make me a bad person. It simply makes me human. There is also no need for me to change others. "To live and let live" is certainly a motto I have incorporated into my life. This recent experience of acceptance has been the most wonderful and liberating of my life, by far. And now I find this changes how and why I write. No longer do I need to expel thoughts; instead I am choosing to share my thoughts, both the good and bad.
But, I am getting side-tracked ... joy, enthusiasm, excitement ... these are the emotions running through my head, heart and body at the moment. I have just secured some part-time work as a Teacher's Assistant in a local Primary School. I still can't believe my luck! Today I went there to meet the School Registrar and Principal to arrange days on which to volunteer my time, and as a result have walked out with a day of paid work too.
The sheer joy of having an opportunity to work with children is an overwhelming one ... they are the most amazing creatures. Each of them is unique and intriguing, and I enjoy the challenge of getting to know them and introducing them to the world of structured learning. The first year of school is all about discovering rules of behaviour, trusting and understanding others outside of your familiar environment, as well as learning about yourself.
What an amazing journey it is ... I can hardly wait!
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