The coming and going of friends

I am not the sort of person to reach out to make friends only then to withdraw my affection at a later date. It takes me a long time to let people into my inner sanctuary, that of my heart, and so it is under a similar time frame that I release them. According to my astrology chart ...

Intimacy does not come easily to you and you may appear cold or unfeeling to others due to your emotional reserve and caution. Perhaps due to painful relationships and separations in your early life, you do not trust others very easily and it takes a long time to take down all of your barriers and defenses.

I am examining this idea because today I saw an "old" friend and realised that I had finally let her go. I had no physical reaction upon seeing her, although just last week I couldn't have said the same. It may surprise you that she and I had ended our close friendship perhaps more than a year ago, but I had held onto a spiritual connection with her despite the loss of our physical one. I have no idea how she feels about our relationship now as I understand she was quite hurt last year when we weren't finding time to see each other. Although I too was bemused by our sudden lack of contact, I assumed it was just the way it was supposed to be. We had helped each other through post-natal depression and the subsequent re-entry into the world outside the safety of our family. It was a wonderful gift we were able to give each other. However, it has come to an end. Although I am sad we cannot maintain our friendship in the outside world, I am happy to accept that perhaps we were only meant to find each other only in the other world.

Interestingly, the ending to the previous quote is

You may feel that you have few friends or people that really care about you. You need to learn to value and love yourself more and to express your appreciation for others more openly.

I say "interesting" because this is what happens when depression hits. Your mind plays tricks on you; it allows you to believe that nobody understands you and nobody could love the person you are in your current state. The proof is the number of people currently aware of how you are feeling ... hence, the added feeling of being alone and unlovable. However, as is suggested, you can fight these feelings and beliefs by training your mind to replace them with positive thoughts you know to be true: my husband loves me, my children love me, my dearest friends love me, and they love me just the way I am. But, I am getting off the track.

My friends are few in number, and most of them do not reside in the same physical location as myself, but they are held within my heart at all times. Our friendship is called upon throughout my daily life as it is their love for me that allows me to give love to others, to be the best person I can be and to fight those battles within my mind. What more could one ask of friends and friendship? So my darling friends, if you are reading this, then please know that I love you more than ever and appreciate our spiritual connection despite the lack of our physical one.

All my love and appreciation, Tara ❤❤❤