Today I reached out to sooth a child in distress and it surprised me to feel my heart in my mouth. It took only a few minutes to calm and reassure him, but the experience moved me ... it was love; I did it out of love.
Where has this come from? How has this happened? These are a few of the questions I am asking myself tonight as I reflect upon my day.
These days I am surrounded by children, day and night. It may just be spending time at home with my own two girls, or in a classroom with up to 26 of them, or even in a playground with over 50! To some people this may sound like chaos, insanity or a little bit of both, but I love it. And I am also on a journey of self-discovery through this experience; I am learning about my prejudices, my imperfections and my capacity to love.
When I first decided to become a teacher I knew I wanted to be with young children, so I signed up to complete a Graduate Diploma in Primary Education. However, after my first two weeks of practical experience I changed to Secondary Education. I was scared. Inside of a week I felt an attachment with those young students as I knew their names and some of their personal stories. What would happen if I taught them for a year? I was also scared for the future. I was afraid of my children believing that I could love anyone more than them.
It is eight years since I made that decision to become a teacher and I am yet to fulfil my dream. Instead, I am a parent to 6 year old twin girls, a part-time student enrolled in a Certificate III (Education Support) course as well as a part-time Education Assistant at a local Primary School. Although the road has proved bumpy and full of unexpected twists and turns, I feel this is where I am supposed to be. I don't have the responsibility of preparing lessons for each day as well as ensuring each student has the best opportunity to learn. Yet I still contribute to the learning environment in which these students inhabit. Additionally, I have time to assist my own children with their homework, listen to their daily episodes, read them bedtime stories and worry about them constantly.
My experience today, however, has taught me that my heart can expand and reach out to others without limiting the supply of love for my own family. Perhaps I needn't be scared or afraid of love. Perhaps I need to let go of my heart. Perhaps I need to trust in my capacity to love endlessly.
Your heart is a reservoir of love ... let it be free.
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