Not an open or shut case

I sit here almost paralysed by the sadness within my heart.

I do not eat well.
I do not sleep well.
I do not do anything well when the sadness is here.

I wonder when it will go ...
               as I wish to smile,
                          to be joyous,
                                      and to be full of light again.

But I am also scared. I know these are signs that the little black dog may arrive at my front door soon. He has not found me in a few years and I have been so proud of my ability to keep him off the scent.

I will not panic though. Instead I wonder why the sadness is here? Sadness is as pervasive as sunlight breaking through an open window, but I usually have my shutters drawn. Perhaps I have been careless of late. Perhaps I have opened up to enjoy the warmth of the sunshine and forgotten the pain of burnt skin.

I guess therein lies the answer to my question as to how long it will stay. My skin will need time to heal. New skin will form and, when the time comes, the old skin will peel away. Although the new skin will look as fresh and unblemished as that surrounding it, there will be scars invisible to the naked eye that attest to this change.

We teach our children that mistakes must be learned from so we do not keep repeating them. So does this mean I should continue to be vigilant in keeping my shutters drawn? Or do I need to learn when to open them and when to close them? It seems such a hit and miss affair.

What do you think?

Sadness: low, melancholy, unhappy.